1. Too long, yes, but there's a bunch of stuff that can be cut; for example, Kimiya and Tricia doesn't even need to be in the restuarant at the beginning at all, a cut to home from the moment Maya gets the notice would be smoother2. Speaking of Tricia she doesn't even do anything in the story, why is she there? Can she do something?
3. Even I don't fully understand the resolution to this story's conflict nor even what its conflict itself is (der that's what happens when you write without a plan but it's fun)
4. The 'chase' is going to need some additional cool parts in it to further justify animating this story
This counts as a blog post.
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